Death is not the End
by kaihil lover
Summary: "When my life was flashing before my eyes, the only thing I wished for was that you having been in it much more." Kai's voice was barely above a whisper, as he looked at Hiromi - for the first time - with a ghost like expression. KaiXHil
1. Justifying the Despair

**_Death is not the End_**

**_Chapter 1: Justifying the Despair_**

_"You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present." - Jan Glidwell_

"That was so embarrassing," Hiromi said in an exasperated voice, and slammed the door of her room.

Kai was already inside, and was sitting on the chair in front of her computer table; his back was against the table instead of the back of the chair. He gave her a nonchalant look. "You're over reacting." His voice was a drawl. "I was merely trying to help."

Hiromi blinked a couple of times. "Honestly Kai, help?"

"Well, your speech was pathetic," he said simply.

"It was not." The brown haired girl's voice was defensive. "Besides, the point here is, you should not have interfered!"

"No one saw me," he interjected not looking up at girl. He had a picked up a photo frame from her table and was looking at the picture in it.

Hiromi's eyes twitched at the response. "Yes," Hiromi agreed, plopping down on the bed. "They were too busy looking at me glaring at an empty seat and mouthing at it."

"You weren't supposed to tell me to stop to look at me; you were supposed to listen to what I was saying."Kai stated simply.

"How could I do both at once?" Hiromi asked looking at the ceiling, her head was beginning to hurt as she thought of her embarrassing day.

Kai ignored her question. "I think you've forgotten to speak to humans, particularly in public." Kai's voice sounded disapproving.

"Hah," The girl in the room snorted. "You're one to say, when did you talk to people in your life?"

"That was off the mark." Kai folded his arm.

"Okay, fine, sorry!" Hiromi turned around to face him. "I get it that was uncalled for."

Kai rolled his eyes. "I was joking; I'm not offended, you're just being too defensive."

They were both quiet for a while when Hiromi finally spoke up. "What do you mean?"

"About what?" Kai said in a distracted voice, he was still looking at the picture in his hand.

"You know what," Hiromi said without facing him.

He put the frame back on the table, turning it around so the picture was not visible. "Stop turning it back to the front each day." His voice sounded irked.

"I like the picture." Hiromi replied. "Now tell me what you meant."

"I meant _what _I said; you've forgotten how to speak to humans. Whether individuals or addressing a group of people. You sound monotonous nervous, distracted, you stutter and it seems as if you're speaking for the first time in ages, everything you say is a drawl."

"It's your entire fault," Hiromi buried her face in her pillow.

He coughed. "Mine?"

"You had to come back and mess it up my life." She said, her face still snuggling the pillow.

"Huh," Kai snorted. "You were messed up enough. Maybe that's why I came back." He added the last pass as a thought.

"I was not; I'd have gotten to normal." Hiromi retorted.

"It'd been six months," Kai reasoned his voice was sympathetic.

"This is just making things worst," The ruby eyes girl snapped. "I stop or fail at all attempts because of you."

"Oh no, don't blame me for this," Kai turned in his chair so he was facing the table instead of Hiromi. "You have no desire of things going to normal."

"What about this afternoon at lunch? I was talking from that guy in class and thanks to you I made more of a fool of myself than in History class." Hiromi lifted her face from the pillow.

"I was just stating my opinions; you should have paid attention to the boy." Kai simply stated.

Hiromi narrowed her eyes. "Kinda hard to when you're straight up in my face."

"Well, why are you here?" Kai asked. "Why not at the dojo, when did you ever come home before? You're always here now."

"You bug me too much; the guys were beginning to think I was losing it." Hiromi said her voice less upbeat than before.

"Please, they were thinking that long before me popping in; you are losing it. That's why you're here alone in your bedroom, talking to me of all the people available, and if I wasn't here you'd be alone in your bed room staring at the walls."

Hiromi focused on his words for a while than she picked up the pillow and threw it at his face, forgetting an important fact that Kai did not. As expected the pillow flew through the painted face of Kai Hiwatari and landed on the table knocking over the frame, which fell, glass-side first on the table resulting in breaking of the glass.

Hiromi got up as soon as the crash was heard; Kai just sighed, this was the third time this week the girl had broken something in attempts to hit him.

"You are so frustrating!" Hiromi yelled. "You could have caught it if you wanted to!"

Before Kai could answer there was a quick knock on the door and a woman entered. Both the occupants of the room turned to the woman. She seemed to be in her early forties though didn't look it; her eyes were the same as Hiromi, her hair more lighter, anyone who didn't know could easily tell that she was Hiromi Tachibana's mother.

The woman had clearly heard the shatter and the yell. "Everything alright?" she asked her voice clearly frazzled.

Hiromi gave a nervous laugh. "No mom, just an accident."

"And the yell?" Mrs. Tatibana asked arching one eyebrow.

"I just sweared out loud, everything's fine." Hiromi answered smiling. Kai snorted and she reflexively turned to glare at him.

The mother turned towards her daughter's line of sight and frowned. "Are you sure you're alright, Hiromi?

"Positive." Hiromi assured her. There was a cough from Kai in response, this time she stopped her neck from turning.

"Why don't you go to the dojo today?" Her mother asked walking towards the table; she walked through Kai's legs and leaning against the table picked up the frame.

"I agree with your mother, besides I, and by I, I mean you have to find out what those ass-holes are doing with my property." Kai said getting up from the chair, shaking his head mentally, having someone stand through his legs was getting weird.

"No," Hiromi said with more force than intended, responding more to Kai's suggestion rather than her query.

Mrs. Tatibana sighed; she looked down at the picture with the broken glass shattered over it; it was a picture of her daughter and Kai at a bey stadium, the former in torn and tattered clothes obviously just done with a battle. "Hiromi, you can't stay cooped up in your room; you have to get over your friend eventually."

The dual haired boy nodded solemnly looking at his friend. "She's right, it _has_ been_ seven_ months."

"Mom, I'm not upset over anyone, I just need to spend sometime alone, to get over things." Hiromi explained.

"Has it not been long enough?" Mrs. Tatibana's voice was anxious; the worry for her daughter's behavior and isolation was evident in her voice.

"Mom, I'm fine, I just need time; he was my friend." Hiromi justly reasoned.

"Was?" Kai coughed walking out of the room

Hiromi ignored him. "Don't worry."

"You have to understand, Kai is not coming back."

Hiromi was about to say that, No, he just left the room, but she caught the words at the right moment. "I know that, but I have a right to _not just pretend_ that everything's okay, when it's _not_!" She was tired of people treating her like she had a handle with care sign stuck to her; she wanted them to let her deal with her grief on her own, it was the only way she'd get better; people should stop expecting from her to get back to normal.

Hiromi's mother sighed; she had meant no offence, she was just worried for her daughter. She was about to throw the picture in the trash can next to the table when Hiromi piped up, "No, don't throw it!"

"But dear, it's broken." Her mother protested.

"Let me take out the picture first; don't just throw stuff like that!" Hiromi stepped forward and carefully took the broken frame from her mother's hands and put it gently on the table.

Kai'd walked back inside and had proceeded to sit on the bed where Hiromi was sitting. He was reading a book that was on her bed side table. His eyes though were on his former coach and her mother.

Mrs. Tatibana decided to leave before she did anymore damage; she walked out closing the door behind and her, and she could have sworn she heard her daughter call Kai an idiot.

On the other side, as soon as the door was closed. "Kai, you idiot," Hiromi snapped.

Kai just rolled his eyes. Hiromi didn't see it; she sat down on the chair and began carefully removing the shattered glass pieces.

"You're upset about me," Kai said after a while. He had walked over behind Hiromi who was almost done picking out the shards; finally she'd be able to retrieve the pictures.

"Of course I am," Hiromi turned her head to face him.

"You have to stop," Kai breathed out.

"Why?" Hiromi asked, "Because you're here?"

"No, 'cause I won't always be Hiromi," Kai sighed, "Hiromi, you do know that-"

"You're dead," Hiromi stated nonchalantly.

"Well yes," Kai said scratching his two tones head.

"You're dead that's the problem, you shouldn't be dead, you shouldn't have died, you should have come back, but not like this," Hiromi's voice was about to break.

For the first time in life Kai wanted physical contact, he wanted to comfort the girl in front of him; he knew that he'd pass right through. "So, it's not my wise-ass comments that are making you upset?"

"No," Hiromi chocked out. "I like having you around again. But you're dead."

"Well," The Russian began after thinking a while. "I'm not here on your will am I? I'm on mine. I'm in no mood to leave, bugging you is fun. You're one of the reasons I came back every time I left. I get to spend all the time I want with you, and no stupid commentary from Ray or Tyson."

Hiromi let out a small laugh. "This is so stupid." she mumbled looking at the other occupant of the room.

"I know," Kai snorted, "I never thought you to be one to believe in ghosts."

"You're trying to convince me of you being a figment of my mind?" Hiromi cocked an eyebrow.

"You doubt my existence!" Kai said in a mock hurt tone.

The girl just made an annoyed face.

"So, you're so not leaving, clearly, you're not going out with that boy, clearly," Kai added the last part with a grin. "What do you want to do?"

"Surf the net for tabloid articles?" Hiromi said suddenly.

Kai raised an eyebrow, and then huffed. "Sure."

"You know, I like you better in death, you talk more." Hiromi laughed, she was taking her laptop out from her drawer. She then sat down on the bed in front of Kai.

"I wouldn't say that," he said his voice serious. "I always talked a lot to you."

"Hmm," Hiromi assented. "But only when we were alone."

"Like now," Kai pointed out.

"So, for you to pay me attention and not ignore me, we should be out of public eye? Well, at least you should be," Hiromi asked, flipping open her laptop.

Kai narrowed his eyes than hmph-ed. "Be glad I like talking to you; other's I don't talk to public or private."

Hiromi just shook her head. "Thanks." she said in gratitude, than became silent for a while. "Ooh, this looks promising. _'Tyson Granger, blading champion goes crazy after beloved captain's death.'_

"Ha-ha, that sounds more like you." He finished with a cocky grin.

"Hate you," Hiromi said laughing.

"Liar," Kai said in a serious voice.

"Oh, don't be so offended, you're dead. Here- read." She turned the laptop towards him. _Dead!_ She repeated in her mind. She still couldn't get over it, she never would be. Kai, her friend, her captain, whom she knew for the past four years, her closest friend, whom she liked even more than a friend, was dead.

She didn't know how to get over him, or what the apparition in front of her meant, all she knew was she was glad having Kai around once more, even if she was the only one who could see him. After his death, she had missed him like hell; Kai was dead, he was wherever he should have been, and she was suffering there, being left with the memories.

Maybe she was going crazy, but it was okay with her, at least she wasn't miserable anymore; and she liked it. She still grieved for him, missed him, she knew Kai was not alive, but as long as he was there, there with her, she would cherish every moment of it.

_"Memory is a way of holding on to the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose"- from The Wonder Years_

* * *

**I know, cliche and corny, but I liked the idea of Kai haunting Hiromi. lol This'll have six or seven chapters, maximum. Hope everyone enjoyed it. :P**

**I was reading Hamlet, ahem, the other day, never thought I'd do that again after eight grade, how wrong I was, well, I read_ Hamlet_ and did two days worth of research on it online. Don't ask why. -_- By the time I was done, I was strangely interested in the life after death concept; and this is what came into being as a result. Didn't write it immediately after the idea popped in my head, 'cause I was doing chem., but soon after it. :P**

**To die,- to sleep, n****o more; and by a sleep to say we end** **th****e heartache, and the thousand natural shocks** **t****hat flesh is heir to; 'tis a consummation**.**D****evoutly to be wished. To die... to sleep...** **To sleep, perchance to dream! Ay, there's the rub, f****or in that sleep of death what dreams may come,****w****hen we have shuffled off this mortal coil... *wipes away tear* *rolls eyes***

**And now I'll spare you people from my Hamlet filled mind, I still have to work on _Othello_ and _A_ _Midsummer Night's Dream, _again the former of of which I never thought I'd have to work on again. -**

**Those KaiHil fans who had been waiting for the second part of my two shot, _The Little Things Give You Away, _I'll be putting it up some time today. *grins* Finally!**

**BTW, I wrote this while listening to _Ghost _by_ Blue Foundation_, _Don't You Mourn the Sun_ by_ MiM_i and _Ghost of days gone by _by _Alter Bridge. xD_**

**Please review, I for one really liked this. ^_^ Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade.**

**~KaiHil Lover**

**29th May, 2012. 12:35 a.m.**


	2. Searching for Equilibrium

_**Chapter 2: Searching for Equilibrium**_

-xxx-

_We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. - Kenji Miyazawa_

-xxx-

Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes to her surroundings.

"This is progress," Kai smirked in compliment, his eyes glinting mischievously; he was adjusting his violet tie while gazing at her intently. She wasn't usually clothed formally like she was right then; a dress was something she rarely wore and it looked alluring on her. He had that unattainable desire to hold her again and he shook his head to banish it.

Feeling a little conscious at the unforeseen attention from Kai, Hiromi glared at empty air.

"So, who's your date?" Kai asked casually, trying hard to move his gaze off of his former coach, who looked far more attractive than usual. But since- to him- she usually looked attractive, it was getting quite hard to look away.

"Go away," she hissed as Kai lazily turned his gaze away from her and commenced looking at his surroundings.

"I'm here to give you moral support," he smiled encouragingly, still eying the crowd, "Come on," he put his arm around her waist well aware that she couldn't feel the contact, "Let's go find your _date."_

Hiromi narrowed her eyes at the attempt at contact and the hissing at the word _date._

Never mind, she thought to herself, as she –too- began to scan the crowd for Garland. The boy had to jump through a lot of hoops to get her to agree to go out with him. The only reason she agreed was that she was tired of people wanting her to socialize more; and Garland at the particular time was the best bet. Did they not know she didn't date much even before Kai died? No, it seemed the didn't, since they were all – including Kai – breathing down her necks to go out more.

Speaking of the Russian, he was pointedly glaring at every male seated alone in the room; he had wanted Hiromi to socialize, but he hadn't expected her to agree to go out on a date with another male – dare he admit it, he was a tad bit upset, slightly envious and majorly annoyed. The thought was repulsive and there was no way he wasn't going to tag along to see what went on in their little rendezvous.

Hiromi's eyes landed on Garland, who was standing near the counter, and she bit her lip as a feeling of nervousness washed over her. She had completely forgotten how to socialize or to keep up conversations and having to spend an evening with a BEGA blader was certainly going to be awkward. What she wanted to do instead was run away right then and go back to the secure confines of her room with Kai mocking her gutlessness.

Her invisible partner was getting annoyed standing there, not knowing yet who he was supposed to be looking for. There was a flash of annoyance and of antagonism present on his usually stoic features. She had refused to tell him who the lucky guy was with whom she had finally agreed to accompany with her presence. Not that that mattered…Kai would definitely not be pleased no matter who the guy was.

His hold around the girl's waste – unbeknownst to her – automatically tightened as a reflexive gesture as he saw the BEGA blader smirking his way towards her.

_Garland! _The guy who he had a draw with, the guy who had almost killed Tala; the BEGA blader! Had she turned into a cold hearted monster? Why was she being this desperate?

"Garland?" Kai's mouth hung open, "_he's _your date?"

His eyes were gaping as he watched him walk towards Hiromi, who was nervously fidgeting beside him.

There was a sheepish smile from Hiromi, who didn't know how to respond. This was expected. That's why she didn't tell him. She knew he'd react like this. There had been a lot of arguing about her not revealing the identity of the person she'd agree to go out with. Hiromi, even till the last moment when they were entering the restaurant where they were supposed to go to, didn't cave; she didn't even hint to who she was going to meet, despite his constant bothering.

And, oh boy, all her predictions were right; his eyes were screaming bloody murder right then, though there was a hint of disbelief in them. She didn't want to be linked to any guy! It was his fault, along with everyone else's, for pushing her to socialize. She had friends, and she was in no mood to associate with them, so she thought of giving dating a try.

Kai felt betrayed, she could tell; if she was in his shoes, she'd probably be heart broken too. This was why she hadn't told him, hoping he would get mad at her and not tag along, she didn't want him to feel as if she didn't care.

Kai was still stoically standing next to her, radiating anger. His former cheerfulness was gone and a formal expression was on his face; his entire figure- barely visible in the bright lights of the restaurant-and the grim look on his features made it look as if he would disappear any second. Hiromi felt her heart clench at the thought and she was going to talk to him but Garland was barely a few feet from her and she –resignedly- turned her attention to him instead.

"Hiromi," Garland called out to her in an admiring voice. "I was wondering if you'd be coming or not."

"I wouldn't back up on my promise." She smiled sheepishly.

"Let's sit?" His words were more of a question then a statement.

There was a polite nod from her and they started heading towards an empty table at the end of the room, indulging in formal small talk, as Kai stalked behind them.

It wasn't usually a problem for Hiromi to maintain conversation, she was a naturally social person – even with bladers- it just came as second nature. She was well caught up with the world of Beyblade, the tournaments, the news, the game and strategies, and could usually easily socialize with anyone she wanted to.

However, these days, a simple conversation had her going over the edge. She didn't get interested in what the other person was talking about, and she surely didn't want to discuss anything about her own self…she simply had nothing to add to conversations. If maintaining conversation wasn't hard enough already, Kai breathing down her neck wasn't helping with it either.

The last half hour had been the most embarrassing one of her life, the amount of awkward silences that all three of them had to suffer through were immeasurable. Kai's quirk, of piping in mocking comments earned more responses from her, than Garland's attempts to keep the conversation alive. She was sure that Garland doubted her sanity, the way she got pissed all of a sudden; and was glaring frequently at clear air, she was certain that he thought she was losing it.

Hiromi was impassively telling Garland about her training and coaching techniques, how her team prepared for tournaments, careful not to reveal any important details; he was still an opponent.

"Do you not find this disgusting," Kai stated in a musing voice, his voice tainted with resentment as he narrowed his eyes at Garland's hand which was on top of Hiromi's.

Hiromi's strained stringing of words into falsely-enthusiastic sentences, came to an abrupt stop as she lost her train of thoughts upon hearing Kai's words. What was wrong with him, why was he so pissed-? Garland was just holding her hand! She did not respond to his acerbic comment, it had taken two months, but she was now a pro at listening to Kai's interruptions without at least verbally reacting to them – if not mentally and physically.

"Hiromi," Garland said edgily, "you were saying?"

Kai tried hard to suppress a chuckle at Garland's words, and Hiromi, who snapped out of her inner monologue glared at him for a second before turning to face the BEGA blader, who was looking at her warily.

She mumbled, "Never mind."

He just nodded dubiously in response and turned down to the food in front of him.

"So, which battles have you enjoyed the most?" She asked at a lack of anything else to say.

"The first match with Tala was a pretty interesting one," Garland responded turning his attention to his plate.

Hiromi flinched at the response and mumbled a small and awkward, "oh, alright."

Kai raised his eyebrows in indignation. "Interesting, he says," Kai said to her casually, placing his face on his elbow-supported hands. which were fixed on the table, so that he was staring right at he,r reproachfully, "Tala ended up in coma, and it's _interesting_, he says."

He went back to glaring at their surroundings. Tapping her feet impatiently, Hiromi waited for a few seconds to pass before speaking up. "Would you excuse me," she said, placing her hand on his to get his attention. Her dual haired captain just glared in detestation.

Garland replied courteously, "Of course."

Hiromi got up from her seat and instead of turning towards the ladies room she entered into another room inside the restaurant and moved to a more secluded corner. She could see Kai follow her, his silhouette flickering in the intensive lighting.

"Honestly, Kai?" Her voice came out more pissed then she had intended to. She had her hands folded across her chest and she was glaring at him.

The dual-haired teen rolled his eyes, his mouth was scowling. "It's not like you're enjoying the evening."

"You're ruining it!" she complained.

"You want me to leave?" he quirked an eyebrow.

Her eye twitched in response. "No!" she shouted, the head of a man sitting on a nearby table turned towards them, she ignored the look and tightened her fists in annoyance, "Just stop distracting me!"

"Excuse me," he coughed in response, "you're more disinterested than I am! At least I'm showing some form of response towards your date, you're not even in the mood to do that."

"That does not give you the right to barge in and interfere with my evening!" she huffed in enragement and frustration.

She felt sorry for him the moment she saw the fire in his eyes die to leave behind a dull taint of disappointment and disbelieving resignation. "I won't interrupt your night anymore."

"Wait," Hiromi protested automatically reaching out for him, but he flickered out of sight the very next moment.

Blinking at her surroundings she tried to find some trace of him, but there was none. She sighed in resignation and proceeded back to her table and Garland contenting her with the thought that he'd be back by the end of the evening.

"You alright?" he asked in concern as she seated down in front of him once again.

"Peachy." She muttered sarcastically, a fake smile on her lips.

Conversation went just as awkward as before without the weird outbursts from Hiromi, however with Kai being gone she had started zoning out now instead. She was trying hard to be interested, to make the night somewhat tolerable for Garland, but she just wasn't capable of controlling her emotions at the moment. This was exactly why she didn't want to socialize…she wasn't ready to!

It was taking all of Garlands self-restraint to not blow up at the girl in front of him, he knew she was grieving and he could tell now that she had forced herself to agree to this, he had to have some pity for her.

"Hiromi," he repeated, trying hard to keep his voice from sounding irked, "do you _want _to order something else?"

"Oh, right, what, - no," Hiromi said inattentively. She was still looking for Kai. She was grateful that he had disappeared for a while and given her the privacy she had needed – needed but certainly hadn't _wanted _— however she couldn't keep her mind away for him. She felt sorry for blowing up at him, she wanted to get away from this date as fast as possible; the events and awkwardness of the evening was making things far too claustrophobic for her.

Garland pursed his lips in response, not knowing what else to say, he had tried every form of conversation and Hiromi was not interested. He seemed displeased; he knew when he wasn't wanted, and it wasn't hard to tell. Now that Hiromi was back to being somewhat normal, she wasn't – the least bit – enjoying his company; her enthusiasm was merely enforced and hollow. She was trying to move on but wasn't succeeding at it.

He felt not so much anger – but more pity towards her. "Hiromi," he called out to her, in a resigned voice, showing the concern he felt. "You want to leave?"

Garland swore under his breath as soon as he finished the sentence, and wanted to smack himself for his tactless choice of words. He was tired of the awkwardness of the night, and the misery Hiromi was going through as she compelled herself to sit there with him; he wanted to put an end to both their discomfiture, but he hadn't wanted his attempt to be so forthright.

The Bladebreaker coach's cheeks flushed scarlet at her companion's blunt choice of words, but she heard him mutter a curse and thus repressed a small snicker.

"One day, when you're really ready to go out," he paused for a second, contemplating the best choice of words, the girl in front of him was looking up at him wearily – yet gratefully for his understanding, "when you're not doing it just to stop people and your own mind from hounding you for your lack of appeal towards human companionship, I'd love to go out with you."

Hiromi inadvertently bit her lower lip as she heard his words, and then blinked at him in shock. She had never expected the BEGA captain to be so solicitous, the feud between the Bladebreakers and BEGA bladers hadn't completely been resolved, even after so many years, and it never let any camaraderie blossom between members of either team. The only reason she'd agree to go out with him despite the subtle animosity between their teams, was that he was the only blader who had asked her out.

As all these thoughts plagued her mind she couldn't help but be guilty at doubting his congeniality and his intentions, more so at how horrible she'd been to him all night. He would be able to, at least at some level, understand the wretchedness she felt at the loss of Kai, a non-blader would never know the bond they shared – and she hadn't been wrong; Garland had been supportive throughout the evening, even when it was clear that she was not at all interested in him.

"Thank you, Garland; that means a lot." She told him composedly, but then her voice turned more rueful as she continued, "I'll consider your offer if I can."

Her companion smiled wearily. She was humoring him, he knew it and she knew it. They both knew that she wasn't moving on anytime soon, and she was certainly not starting a relationship. He couldn't help but feel sad that she was wasting her life like this yet he knew that she was far more comfortable in her bubble away from reality than with associating with people.

Garland couldn't help admire her loyalty and devotion; Kai Hiwatari had been one lucky guy to win the affections of this girl. He could tell why the emotionless bastard liked her; she was very considerate. He could have grown easily fond of her if Hiromi had given their companionship a chance.

Oh well, he had earned a good friend in the process – friends with a Bladebreaker, he couldn't have imagined it if someone had said it a year ago.

"If you ever need a friend to talk to –" he trailed off awkwardly; the concept of being friends didn't come out as easily as the prospect of it seemed realistic in his mind.

"Of course, I'll consider calling you to annoy you again," she said in a cheerful voice. For the first time the entire night, her reply didn't seem forced to Garland. Another lie though, it too was. Again, he knew and she knew. She was being appreciative enough to lie, it meant a lot.

They exited together from the restaurant; shaking hands and apologizing for the awkwardness of the evening, they parted in the car lot, heading towards their separate cars.

Hiromi got inside hers and locked the doors, leaning back into the leather seats and turning on the heating. She sighed in content; she was finally away from the well meaning, inquisitive people and in the comfort of being alone. It had been a long, long time since she'd been this relieved.

This had been officially the most terrible evening of her life; the tension and awkwardness of the entire evening made her feel ill. She'd never been more mortified and -in no way—had ever felt so guilty in her entire life. The entire evening she had been horribly indisposed– she had tried hardest to be as amiable as possible and to enjoy the blader's company, but she just didn't find his company enjoyable, she couldn't convince herself to enjoy it. She was far more amused by Kai's annoyance throughout the night, and wanted nothing more to answer him. Speaking of whom –

"Alright, sour-puss, show up already," Hiromi snickered in an amused voice, "I'm glad _you _enjoyed watching my evening turning into shambles. I sure didn't, but I bet that taught you a lesson about nagging me about socializing."

Laughing to herself about how annoyed Kai had been the entire evening, she began looking at the back seat of the car and outside in the parking lot through the tinted windows. She had expected to find him seated on her passenger seat, ready to mock her.

"Kai," she called out fearfully, her voice bordering at the edge of panic. Kai had been joking about leaving, right?

She felt her hands tremble and her body began to clench in dread, at the thought of him being gone. She had gotten exceedingly used to his presence in the last two months. She'd been grieving for him, isolating herself from others, not wanting to let go of his reminiscences and all of a sudden, he'd popped up in her life filling the emptiness that his demise had created in her existence.

Gripping the steering wheel to keep herself from trembling, she rasped out his name again,

"Kai."

No response.

"I'm sorry, alright?" Her breathing began to hitch and she felt her head spin on the inside. "Dude, you're invisible now when you want to – I can't look for you; this is not funny."

It was clear now, he had been right being worried about her; she was pretty much addicted to him….it was wrong, it was stupid, and it was building herself for a let down. It seemed the time was here and she wasn't prepared to fall. The panic and terror was over coming her and she felt a wave of nausea wash over– the tension was making her queasy and her head spun even more.

_He can't be gone! I can't be all alone!_

She looked frantically outside the car, hoping to find Kai somewhere, but there was not a single trace of him. Laying her head on the steering wheel, she gripped it tightly, wanting to control the overcoming faint spell but to no avail. Her surroundings were slowly beginning to feel hazy, and her body was losing energy. The panic and fright in her was increasing and everything was beginning to get more and more obscure, the spinning was picking up pace too and it was making her body break out in cold sweat and head hurt.

She closed her eyes waiting for the dizziness and the panic fear to tone down. She was all alone; she could tell he was no where around, he was gone and she was alone, she felt fear of what was going to happen wash over her even more, resulting in her body growing even more weaker.

She made a feeble attempt to rasp out his name one last time, before letting the overcoming faintness claim her and rid her of all thoughts.

-xxx-

_Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know_nothing_. - Ralph Waldo Emerson_

-xxx-

* * *

**I'm not rather satisfied by this chapter; wrote it, again, three weeks ago, and at that time I was rather upset and PMSing like I currently am, I haven't written anything since I got out of my pissed state three weeks ago and now that I'm reverting to writing again, I'm once more depressed and PMSing, hallelujah. -_- Oh, well, I hope this wasn't too bad, and was somewhat worth the wait. Hope that somebody enjoyed. Wrote this listening to _Equilibrium _and _Hero Across the Sky _by _Blue Foundation._**

**Thank you to _Moonlight Serenity, Kitty Chandelle, Dead-bY-now _and_ tyhiltwilover_ for reviewing the first chapter; as well as to all the readers, and alert-ers, and fave-ers. You guys are all the best. I'll try to update soon. :)**

**R and R. **

**30th June, 2012. 06:08 p.m.**


	3. The Morning after Death

**_Chapter 3: Morning after Death_**

-xxx-

_The bustle in a house, the morning after death, is solemnest of industries, enacted upon earth._

-xxx-

An entire night had passed, and the rays of sunlight filtering in through the frosted glass windows clearly indicated that morning had arrived. Hiromi's entire night had been troubled. After lying in bed for two hours, it was nearly two in the morning when she finally fell asleep; and even after that, she kept twisting and turning and waking up at every little scuttling noise made.

She wasn't even sure if she had slept at all; it felt as though she was in a semi-conscious state even when she was asleep. She had seemed to be partially aware of everything that happened through the night. Tyson had gotten up sometime to sneak some food, Ray got himself a glass of water and Maxie had gone to the washroom. The small intervals in which she believed that she did maybe sleep, her dreams had kept her disturbed all through. Sometime around daybreak, she had even dreamed of Kai; but judging by how uncomfortable she had been after the dream had ended, she was certain that it was not a pleasant one, despite the fact that she did not remember the details of it, for even a second after she woke up.

Even now, in the early hours of the morning, Hiromi couldn't get any peace. The brightness of her surrounding refused to let her get some much- over-due shuteye. Turning once more in her futon, Hiromi removed her pillow from underneath her head and used it to cover her face, letting out a muffled groan.

The sound of people shouting and arguing in hushed voices, and of others mediating between those who were actually able to make not only intelligible, but also squabbling conversation in such early hours of the morning, were like a mundane buzzing in her ear. **  
**

Lying in prone position Hiromi had her face stuffed in a pillow, hands covering her ears, and her legs tangled in a heap of twisted blankets. She was turned towards her left where Kai's futon would have been had he not been away.

What was up with all, the early morning ruckus anyways?

She was usually the first one to get up in the morning, except well Kai, he was an even earlier riser than her, but since he was in Russia, she usually was the first one out of bed each day.

Cracking open an eye and sneaking out her face from under the pillow, Hiromi glanced at the room, the grey morning sky didn't indicate that it was _late enough_ for everyone else to be up; and from the magnitude of the noises her teammates were creating seemed to be a much greater than what they usually did, at least this early in the morning, it felt as if there were a many more people in the house than just her five team mates. The commotion was far more havocking than before and it made Hiromi wonder if something was wrong; it seemed that something terrible might have happened. However she was far too drowsy at the moment to pay much mind to her suspicions.

With all of this and it being the usual time for her to get up, it didn't seem likely to Hiromi that she'd be getting back to sleep another time. Squeezing her eyes tightly to prevent any light from entering and making her any fresher, and thus more unlikely to go back to sleep she turned her head until it was completely buried in the futon.

Although she was still trying to go back to sleep, her mind kept drifting off to Kai and focusing on what she had dreamed off, but her memories were a haze and she couldn't remember what she saw. Thinking wasn't going to help her sleep, but thoughts just kept slipping in. All this disruption from her teammates, the sunlight along with the persistent thoughts that were plaguing her were convincing Hiromi that she wasn't going to be getting any sleep soon.

Eventually she gave up on the idea of getting any shut eye completely and decided to spend a little time just curling up in her bed and trying to get rid of sluggishness that was badgering her due to lack of peaceful sleep. She let her mind indulge in the thoughts she had previously been trying to snub, wanting to keep them, from stopping her from clinging to her desire of sleep; wanted thoughts also made the unwanted noise zone out.

The Russian teammate who was currently in his home country and was due back in four days was the one who snuck into her mind the most and each visit made a smile creep up on her bed worn face. The last time she had seen him was when he wished her goodbye in the middle of the night before leaving for to catch his plane. Two days and he'd be back, home again. The very thought of it made Hiromi smile in spite of herself.**  
**

A comfortably lethargic mood had crept up on her as she curled like a cat inside her futon, and her eyes having gotten adjusted to the light, even the pillow had made its way from under her face to being back under her the side of her head. The drowsiness and new founded lack of annoyance at being unable to sleep was making her feel elated and pensive and a permanent smile had inched its way on her face.

In the small time span of fifteen minutes she was in such a peaceful and dreamy state that she didn't notice the noise die away being replaced by padded footsteps making their way closer to her.

A hand found its way on her partially blanket covered back and begun shaking her gently. "Hiromi," the voice was an indistinct murmuring in her ear, and it didn't take much effort to ignore it.

"Hiromi," the voice called out again, and it was accompanied with more shakes to get her to respond.

Hiromi buried her face back inside the pillow and let out a long and muffled moan. She expected a protest from whoever was being persistent enough to try and get her up, but whoever it was, was being very patient. Well, their tough luck, nothing but a bucket full of cold water could get her to get up right now.

Max was sitting with his knees folded next to Hiromi's futon; he seemed anxious and distressed and was twitching from what seemed like nervousness. "Hiromi, wake up," he said, and she finally realized the voice to be coming from her left, having belonging to Max; and it sounded desperate and pleading. "It's really important, I have to talk to you."

"Go away," she rasped out childishly curling under her covers like a cat.

Max pursed his lips and tightened his eyes closed for a second before snatching the pillow from under his coach's face. Hiromi's face hit the futon with a soft thump and second later using her elbows for support she raised her head up to glare at her blonde teammate with heavy eyes and tangled hair partially obscuring her face.

"What?" she spat out in a whining voice.

Max felt himself go tongue tied when he noticed that though Hiromi was glaring at him, her gaze was partially directed at where Kai's futon should have been. "Hiromi," he started unsurely, his hands pressing the ground on either sides of him, but was unable to continue.

Hiromi's head was nodding off in mid air as she waited intolerantly for Max to get done with what he had to say. The said boy was caving from the pressure he was under, having to be the one to give Hiromi the news, and also from his own emotional turmoil. Everything that was going on seemed surreal to him; they should be asleep right now, not arguing among themselves and with other people who should have no reason to be visiting about a matter that was so heartrending and unchanging.

Arguing, blaming and patronizing wasn't going to solve anything, these were all just reactions of being unable to deal with reality. He just wanted to go back inside his futon, curl into a ball, go to sleep, and never wake up.

A ringing of the phone interrupted Hiromi's growing annoyance, and Max's mounting tension. Both there eyes darted at the surroundings trying to locate the culprit of the noise.

"One second, Maxie," Hiromi excused herself shuffling her hand to locate her cell phone. It took a few seconds of shuffling her hand sightlessly in the space near her futon to get a hold of the device and brought it in front of her eyes to look at the caller ID which led to a tinge of annoyance passing on her features before returning to the previous expression of impatience.

Max opened his mouth to protest. "Wait, no," he told her, but was cut off when Hiromi raised her hand to interject his objection.

"Hello," she answered pressing the call button.

"Hiromi," came, an apologetic voice from the other side. "I am so sorry, sweetie. Oh, I don't even know what to say to you."

Hiromi blinked at Max, who responded by covering his face with a hand in fear and shock. This was why he didn't want Hiromi to talk to anyone before listening to what he had to say. If only he hadn't been a cowards and told her straight from the start what's wrong."

"Huh? Miriam is that you?" the brunette asked in bewilderment, her eyes showing her confusion. "What, are you talking about?"

"Kai. I am so sorry for what happened." The Saint Shield girl's voice was almost sobbing. "I barely knew him and _I _can't – don't want to – believe it; you, you must be terrible right now."

Miriam's words were slowly sinking in her mind and making Hiromi's body freeze up. "Kai? What happened, what's wrong with Kai?" she asked frantically, her eyes unblinking.

Max's eyes screwed shut, and he let out an involuntary hiss.

The color from the Japanese girl's face had been completely drained as she looked up horrified at her friend. "Do you know what she's talking about?" she asked anxiously. "Tell me, Max, do you know something?"

"Hiromi," Miriam cried over and over from the other side.

The Bladebreaker coach ignored the repeated calling of her name coming from the speaker of her phone. Throwing the covers aside with her feet, she bolted up rigid on the mattress, looking squarely in the eyes of the boy in front of her. "Max, tell me, what happened?" she asked desperately hot tears beginning to prickle.

By now Max's resolve had completely wavered and in a state of anxious stupor, he spoke up, "I'm sorry, Hiromi," he paused for a moment to draw in a sharp breath, "but Kai, he's –" he broke into sobs and buried his face in his hands.

There was no need for Max to say the word his emotions didn't permit him to say, it already hung in the air like an unspoken omen since Hiromi had first heard Miriam's pitiful regard, and a few words on his part had confirmed any suspicion that Hiromi might have had.

The realization hit her like a ton of bricks and denial flooded through her, she closed here eyes and pursed her lips trying to come to terms with what she had heard.

"Miriam." Hiromi spoke helplessly, unable to react to the news. The whole world was collapsing on her and it felt as though there was nothing left to hold on to. The color seemed to have disappeared from her surroundings leaving the familiar room, the person in front of her all seemed alien and black and white.

"I'm so sorry," the girl on the other side of the line replied, "I didn't think that you might not know; it's been all over the news."

There was no response from Hiromi who was tightly clutching the covers of her mattress to the point of her knuckles whitening and here eyes still closed.

"I'll be over as soon as possible, don't you worry," Miriam said supportively from the other line, but her words went not responded to.

"Bye," Hiromi whispered her voice trembling, and cancelled the call before the girl on the other side of the line could protest. The phone started ringing once more, but she put it under the pillow without even checking the caller ID and the voice got drowned out.

Max had recomposed himself and was holding her hand reassuringly; he still wasn't looking at her, but instead in his lap. He had done terrible job, he was supposed to let Hiromi know gently, he was supposed to console her, and all he had done was lose control of his own emotions and let her discover and deal with everything on her own, along with tolerating his own breaking down.

A few seconds Hiromi just sat there staring at her own lap, tears trickling continuously down her eyes and onto her night shirt.

"Hiromi," Max whimpered. Her name being called out consolingly for the umpteenth time in the last few minutes – minutes which seemed like the passing of ages – broke Hiromi out of her trance. She pulled her hand out of Max's grasp and wiped her face with her hands.

_Sorry_ she heard Max call out repeatedly as she staggered up unblinking and wrapping the blanket around herself from behind turned her back to him and walked off towards the door.

Max stared at Hiromi's retreating back as she made staggering steps towards the exit.

Several heads turned and the commotion stopped when a ghostly Hiromi entered the hall. The sound of her steps echoed in her ears as Hiromi walked towards the staircase. She didn't even notice who the numerous people in the room were. Eventually over the shock was seeing the girl several voices called out to the brown haired girl, but went unnoticed along with the eyes trailing after her.

A trip upstairs and ten minutes later Hiromi was seated at the backdoor steps of the dojo her head leaning against the frame, her blanket still wrapped around her petite figure and a long white scarf clutched against her chest. She wasn't crying anymore, she wasn't going to shed tears anymore; the time when she broke down in front of Max and Miriam would be the first and last time she would shed tears for the passing away of her friend.

Endless greenery stretched out in front of her sloping in the distance where the hill leaned down into a valley. How many times did she lie on this very grass curled up next to Kai with not even an imagination of a possibility of a life without him… those times which had existed till just a few days ago all seemed surreal now, like a long lost fantasy slowly fading away from her mind.

Time passed and the hours changed, morning to afternoon to evening, but Hiromi remained unmoving at the doorstep. She didn't weep, she didn't break down, she kept sitting at the doorstep waiting for, herself to, recuperate from the shock and somehow move on as if nothing happened. Her life and her future crashed in front of her very eyes and the aftermath of the ruin was the only thing that was in front of her now.

_Voltaire, _in the end he actually won. It seemed surreal; things always seemed to go chaotic in the Bladebreaker's life, but in the end they'd always take a turn for the good, never was it that there was no silver lining. This time however the dark clouds seemed to be stretching endlessly. Kai had lost, she had lost, they'd all lost, and Voltaire had finally won.

Everything seemed bleak and questionable and Hiromi couldn't find anything to anchor herself onto except memories that were hastily fading away, of a life that was far beyond her reach.

She had been hurtled into a whole different world that she didn't know without her consent or any prior warning.

The Bladebreakers came over to talk to her whenever they got time from dealing with all the guests that were visiting. They brought her food and tried to get her to eat only to fail miserably. Any attempts at convincing to get her to come inside and rest were also futile, Hiromi didn't budge an inch. Distracting her and endeavoring to cheer her up was also a wasted effort.

They had come to terms with the tragedy that had happened and they were trying to get everything back on track; they were trying to move on, Kai was gone and they just wanted to move on, Hiromi didn't think it would be fair to move on, she didn't want to move on without him.

"Kai wouldn't want you to spend your life waiting." Tyson's furious words went ignored by her.

Ray was far more understanding, "You have to get on with your life." Hiromi refused to pay any mind to him either.

They praised Kai and conveyed their apologies for the tragedy that was his dyeing at such a young age, they reminded her of the times that they had, and how she could honor his memory by living a life that he would have wanted. She shouldn't be scared of or disappointed in the future was what they were trying to explain to her.

What was done, was done, there was no way Kai was coming back, and though they all had every right to be miserable, the boys wanted Hiromi to snap out of the state of stupor she had gotten into, and try to get going once more.

Phone calls came for her in large numbers, but all went answered by her team mates in regards of her rejecting to talk to anyone even whenever asked.

People visited in dozens to convey their condolence, and each one went ignored by the Bladebreaker coach. Flowers were brought, hugs were given, the visitors murmured words of comfort, and expressed their grief and apologies but their actions made no change in Hiromi's state.

Many a people were those who didn't care for her, or Kai, or their team or any of their loss, they were either there because of duty, curiosity or pity. Hiromi didn't want anything from them, except wanting them to go away and leave her in peace.

Eventually, one by one everyone left, laughing and ready to move back into the routines of their own life because the loss which had happened had not affected them anymore than the triggering an ounce humane pity in them at the loss of a fellow life.

Night came too, in due course, leaving behind only the occupants of the house drowning in the misery of a loss of one of their own. The atmosphere in the house which had gotten cheerier over the time and increase of number of people reverted to its solemn morning self, with anger no longer the tainting the air, but an air of hopelessness which was nonexistent in the morning present now.

Everyone went to bed ultimately, after coming out one last time to persuade Hiromi to come inside only to fall short again. It had been a tiring day for all the Bladebreakers. Between dealing with the dozens of people visiting and calling to convey their regards, the reporters wanting first hand information, keeping in check their own grief to set an example for Hiromi who was taking , and corresponding with the Blitzkrieg Boys regarding what was going on in Russia the Bladebreakers hadn't had much time to reflect much on the loss of their friend other than accepting the occurrence and feeling much resentment for it.

Now with the hustle and bustle of the aftermath of the death having ended, leaving behind nothing to do except dwell on the tragedy as they lied alone in their own beds, with no responsibilities and affairs to distract them, and an endless future stretched out ahead of them seeming completely grim and forlorn much unlike what it should be, did they all finally feel the weight and entire corollary of the entire tragedy fall upon them rendering them unable to sleep.

The spirits of the boys wavered in the darkness of the night making the already solemn house seem even more gloomier than before, there was no hint of good spirits or sanguinity now that all the company had left and they were alone with nothing to do, but face the reality they didn't want to acknowledge.

Eventually when hours had passed into everyone having gone to sleep and Hiromi pried her eyes from the greenery stretched out behind the Granger backyard illuminated by the starry sky, and finally settled on leaving her place at the front entrance steps. Her sleeping legs ached as Hiromi got up, and slowly made her way inside the house, locking the door behind her.

Each item scattered along the house belonging to Kai was tucked away safely in a closet in the next one hour. Only his spare scarf remained which was still clutched in Hiromi's hands like a favorite teddy. His possessions were all purposeless junk now, and to think twenty-four hours earlier, everyone refused to even breathe near them as if they were priceless relics in fear of suffering the wrath of Kai Hiwatari.

She could throw it all out right now and it wouldn't make a difference to anyone. It pained Hiromi to see how the value and magnitude of a person and all that he would stand for disappeared just because he was gone. She didn't want the significance Kai carried in her life to disappear just because he was no longer with her.

For the world all of it was just trash now; even for her it was a collection of purposeless memorabilia, with sentimental value, priceless, yet heart wrenching _so_ in its existence so as impossible to be kept with, yet unbearable to be allowed being thrown; useless, yet, not disposable.

The future seemed just like Kai's old belongings to Hiromi, something significant merely twenty four hours ago and nothing but, a black and white and worthless presence now.

Life was unimaginable without Kai, it was like her reality had been turned upside down and everything that she had worked had been shot down without warning. She missed Kai, but more than that she was scared at the prospect of missing him forever. She didn't want to miss him, she wanted to be with him; she wanted to be back at the door step waiting for him to come back from his late night walks, but she knew that no matter how long she waited he was never coming back.

Kai's death was completely unexpected and it had taken with it, her closest friend, her happiness, her present and her future. There was pain, grief, guilt and longing, but most of all there was absence, absence of everything that might have held any importance, a vast sea of nothingness filled with all that she should have done and all that she had wanted to do.

After a while of standing outside the closet in which she had tucked away all of Kai's belongings, Hiromi began walking to the couch in the living room. The blanket still wrapped around her petite and shaking figure Hiromi lied down on her side on the couch and just like last night struggled to let sleep claim her and rid her of the emptiness that had engulfed her once-vibrant world .

Kai was gone and he had taken along with him the basis of everything that tied Hiromi down to this world; her love for him was perpetual, and its heart wrenching pain was the only thing of her past that was left behind and would stay with her till the end of eternity.

-xxx-

_The sweeping up the heart, and putting love away; we shall not want to use again until eternity._

-xxx-

* * *

**AN: Yes, very late update, I am aware. Sorry. :P Thank you to SeleneAtar, Dead-bY-n0w and Kitty Chandelle for reviewing chapter 2. jottlover91 for reviewing both chapters 1 and 2. Two guests for reviewing chapter 2, and another for reviewing chapter 1. :)**

**If anyone is confused. This was a flashback chapter. A look into Kai's death and Hiiromi's life before ghost Kai showed up. :P**

**3 days of summer break left. o.o **

**Review, please. :)**

**06:00 p.m. 30th August, 2012. **


	4. Still Caught up in the Past

_**Chapter 4: Still Caught up in the Past**_

-xxx-

_The sorrow which has no vent in tears may make other organs weep. ~Henry Maudsley_

-xxx-

Quite a while it had been since she woke up from her state of unconsciousness, she's been lying in bed idle for half an hour. Realization of the previous night had eventually sunken in into her lightheaded mind a while after waking up. Kai was gone, and there was this strange empty feeling inside of her that seemed to be sucking her in, something she hadn't experienced since Kai had reappeared in her life again.

At first she had trouble realizing where she was, she had expected to find herself in the passenger seat of a car, but instead she was in comfortable bed covered up to her neck in blanket, with a wash cloth on her forehead. In a room that was vaguely familiar to her even in the darkness which was partially illuminated by a small amount of light seeping through the fabric of the drawn curtains.

She knew now that she was in Tyson's room on the first floor of the dojo, the only room other than Grandpa and Hiro's which had a bed. How she got there was still a mystery to her. The rest of her former team mates were up as well, it was not hard to notice that they were up and about and going through their daily routines. Their laughter was infiltrating the sweet silence of her grey world and she wanted the interference to end. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts with no inviting distractions.

As time passed more light begins to filter in through the light colored curtains and Hiromi resorted to shutting her eyes to keep the light from illuminating her world.

The sound of a door creaking open reached her ears and Hiromi cracked open both eyes to see Tyson peaking through the barely open door. He grinned sheepishly when he realized that she had caught him watching her. Entering the room he silently shut the door behind him, ceasing the flow of daylight entering through the partially open door.

He walked over to her and the first thing he did was pick the drenched warm cloth from her temple and soaking it in a bowl of water she hadn't noticed was present on the bedside table, wrung it till it was no longer dripping and then placed it back on her forehead.

Hiromi closed her eyes as the cool fabric made contact with her skin making a shiver run up her spine. It was only then she realized that she was drenched in sweat and feeling far too warm for her own comfort. The desire to take off the blanket crossed her mind, but she didn't employ it, not wanting to get rid of the safe feeling that the warm covers provided.

"You had a fever." Tyson explained watching Hiromi wipe off a sheet of sweat from her neck and jaw.

Hiromi blinked at him. "Oh," she stated sheepishly at a lack of anything better to say moving her hand back to rest in her lap.

Tyson dragged a chair from the corner of the room and placing it next to the bed sat down on it. He wasn't sure how to start the conversation so it wouldn't get steered in the wrong direction, since Hiromi had been quite defensive lately and any slip of the tongue would probably result in her getting offended.

"How did I get here?" Hiromi asked, suspiciously looking at her surrounding.

"Garland saw you in your car." Tyson answered trying to keep the details to a minimum.

Hiromi repeated, "Oh." Silently she made a pledge to thank Garland for all his consideration and regard. She was a mess and she was lucky to have all these people watching out for her, who knows where she would be if they weren't there looking out for her wellbeing.

"How come you went out with him?" Tyson asked out of curiosity. He was happy to hear that his friend taken a step back into normal life, but knowing how the night ended it seemed that she had taken two steps back before the day ended.

Hiromi pursed her lips and stared at the ceiling. She wanted to curl into a ball _and _sleep, not start this discussion again with Tyson. "I just wanted to try socializing a bit more."

"That's actually good," The dragoon wielder told her earnestly. "And last night was just a minor setback, things will get eventually better. So, when are you going out with Garland next?"

Blinking at Tyson's words Hiromi drew a deep breath. "Tyson," she started jadedly, "this was strictly just a one time thing. And last night proved that I'm not ready to go out."

The words sounded senseless to Tyson's ears and made him angry at Hiromi. He had been avoiding the main question till right now waiting for Hiromi to open up himself, but this was getting pointless, since she wasn't willing to talk. Did she intend on spending her life locked up in her room? And more importantly, why the hell did she faint in the car?

This was the unhealthiest way he had seen someone deal with the death of a loved one!

Hiromi was his closest friend and he wanted her to get out of this loop she was trapped in. She needed to get her normal life back, and her lack of interest in wanting to do so, and obsession with clinging to the past, to the point of what apparently seemed now as insanity, was frustrating him to say the least. "What are you trying to do then?" he shot angrily, his hands gripping the sides of the chair. "What are you trying to accomplish by isolating yourself like this?"

His old coach flinched on hearing the harshness of his words.

"My life, Tyson! If I say I'm not ready to move on, I'm not ready to move on!" she paused to take a breath glaring at him all the while. "I tried listening to you, did you see what happened as a consequence?"

Tyson's mouth hung indignation. "Exactly what I'm saying, what the hell happened last night?" he seethed out, his face showing his frustration. "You fainted in the middle of a parking lot! You really need to start getting over Kai and getting back into normal life!"

"That happened because I was forcing myself to do something I didn't want to." Hiromi shouted. She was sitting down now glaring straight at Tyson, the cloth had fallen down from her forehead into her lap.

"What do _you _want?" Tyson growled grinding his teeth. "and tell me, _why_ the hell did you faint?"

"I want my life to get back to normal!" she yelled fisting her hands into balls. "And if it can't turn back to normal, I want to spend it _not _forcing myself to do things I'm not ready to do again!"

Her voice broke at that point and she looked away from the boy. The adrenaline leaving her body was making her feel guilty for directing her anger at Tyson who was just trying to be helpful.

"I'm sorry," Tyson offered dismally. "I crossed some lines back there, and I shouldn't have."

"Stop," she pleaded. Hiromi didn't want him to making her more guilty. This wasn't his fault, it wasn't _hers _either, it was just cruel fate who kept messing everything up. "It's not your fault." she told him.

Tyson hesitated before continuing. "I want you to know that I'm here for you and it's a fact that you can't change. No matter where you are and how stupid you act, I'm gonna be standing beside you."

Hiromi gave him a half smile.

"Let's talk about something else, okay?" Tyson suggested smiling a sheepish smile replacing the cloth on her forehead after soaking it in water once, before leaning back in his chair a happy go lucky grin on his face. It was time to let go of Hiromi, she had to deal with this herself, it was clear to him now he was making things worse with his pushiness. He should be supporting her not opposing and blaming her.

Hiromi smiled another half smile. "Sure."

"Tell me something, then," Tyson chuckled

Hiromi smiled. "My life's been same old, same old. Fainting in a car and being carried here by a hot BEGA blader has been the highlight of my year." she grinned ear to ear

There was a genuine laugh from Tyson. "And you call that same old, same old?"

She chuckled in response. "How about you tell me everything?" she smirked at the capped blader in front of her.

There was a sudden flicker on the opposite side of the room. Tyson did not notice anything off, but Hiromi's neck whipped in the direction of the spark reflexively, for a moment she thought she saw something, she blinked and it was gone.

Tyson followed her line of sight and stared across the room. "Everything okay?" he frowned.

Hiromi shook her head absently. "It's nothing," she mumbled, shifting a little downward in the bed so that she was no longer leaning against the headboard.

Tyson continued speaking once more, he was talking in general now; about all that he had been up to these days, there were subtle hints for her to follow his lead and begin indulging more interestedly in life for a second time, but he wasn't being assertive and for that Hiromi was glad, his main purpose was just to cheer her up and distract her. The more he spoke the more he felt the air of the room clear, and the tension between them, lighten.

His words were like a ringing in her ear as she watched his face and the movement of his lips and the actions of his hands as he spoke enthusiastically solely with the purpose of cheering her up. Her brain wasn't even willing to try and decipher what he way saying. All she could hear were Kai's words drifting through her mind; words and memories she were trying to hold on to desperately in fear of them being the only thing left with her to remind her of Kai.

On the other side of the room the boy in her mind watched her resignedly as she tried futilely to pay somewhat attention to Tyson's words as he wasted time trying to cheer her up.

"You want me to get you anything?" Tyson asked suddenly, interrupting his tale of a battle with Daichi.

Hiromi shook her head. "I'm good."

"Alright," the younger Granger nodded. "I guess I should leave you to rest now."

"You can stay," Hiromi offered smiling halfheartedly. She didn't want him to stay, but she didn't want the him, and the comfort and peace of mind his presence to leave either.

Standing up from his seat, the boy inclined his head towards the door. "It's been a while since I've been in here, you need your rest."

Hiromi nodded and gave an imperceptible sigh.

"See ya, later, 'Romi," he told her, turning his head to face her one last time.

Hiromi affirmed watching Tyson as he turned the handle of the door, "of course."

"Take it easy now, kay?" he called out one last time before closing the door behind him leaving Hiromi alone once more.

She was alone again, her thoughts and fears were beginning to haunt her all over again. It was only a little while, before the claustrophobia like what she experienced in the car was began to creep on her again, and she was feeling the thoughts in her mind and the walls around her closing in on her slowly and slowly.

Pulling the cover up to her chest and folding her arms across it Hiromi lied on her back staring straight directly in front of her, trying to concentrate on the old picture of the boys after Russian world champs on the writing table, in front of which Kai was sitting on a chair watching her wearily unbeknownst to her.

Now that Tyson was gone Kai decided it was time to come to light once more, he didn't want Hiromi to fret anymore than she had already had to.

He materialized in front of her, and Hiromi felt her breath get caught in her throat.

"You're here," she gasped staring at him aghast trying to sit back up. Her heart just might have stopped for a second. She had supposed that he was probably gone for good.

"I…" he trailed off hesitantly taking uncertain steps towards her. "I don't know what happened. I don't know how I disappeared and where I was when I was gone."

Hiromi stared at him desperately as he paused to run a hand through his untidy blue hair.

"All I know is when I came back you were," he paused for a second as his face screwed up in reminiscence, "screaming in your car. I tried to get your attention, but you couldn't see me."

Kai finished his explanation and took a seat on the bed next to her. His body was in contact with hers, but yet neither one of them could feel the existence of another being, just the warmth of a presence. Seeing Hiromi hyperventilating in the car and not being able to help, it was the most terrifying thing he had experienced.

Few minutes passed in silence with the former captain and coach of the Bladebreaker's staring at each other wearily and desperately as if this moment was the last they had. It wasn't. Though it might have been one of the lasts."

"So," Hiromi said after a while of silence looking down shyly, "what happens now?"

Kai's fingers which were running through Hiromi's hair stopped in mid stroke; his hand made its way down to hers and gripped it in a vice grip. If only she could feel the touch more than just the warmth of its presence. "I've disappeared like that three more times since I turned back up in the drive way of the restaurant. Each time I don't have a clue of where I was when I return, as if I didn't even exist."

Hiromi looked at him vulnerably at a loss of what to say. Tyson's words that she'd been ignoring begin to make sense to her once more, she couldn't live in isolation, yet the thought of being without Kai seemed much worse. And right now when it looked like Kai was leaving, she had nothing else to turn back to anymore either.

"You tell me," Kai proposed quietly. "I would leave the second you honestly want me to. What happens now, do you want me to stay?"

"No," she hissed frantically her eyes staring at him terrified. "I didn't mean what I said at last night. I want you to stay, stay with me as long as you can. Don't leave, please."

She was beginning to hyperventilate again and Kai was beginning to panic seeing her like this. "Shh," he murmured, running his fingers through her hair again and clasping one hand in his own overlooking the detail that she couldn't feel him. "Shh, it's alright. Don't worry I'm here and I'm not leaving you."

As his words sunk in Hiromi took a deep breath and leaned back until she was completely flat on her back. Closing her eyes, she muttered, "I need help."

"What's going to happen when you leave, you can't leave me again!" Hiromi tried to clasp Kai's hand, but all she could feel was thin air. "I can't live alone like this!"

Maybe if he hadn't been so distant with her when he was really there, alive, and had talked to her, let her know how he felt and how important she was to him, she wouldn't be suffering now. Had he told her all that she wanted to hear and all that was that he wanted to say maybe they would both be in peace right now. Hurting, but maybe not as anxious and frightened like they were now, holding onto each other and not willing to let go, just because they were so many things that were left unsaid and undone.

If only he hadn't been so self absorbed and realized that the most important thing wasn't being the best, he could have had a peaceful life and now a peaceful after life. Now that there was nothing left to do, and no chance to change anything, the thing, which had mattered the most he realized wasn't how many championships he won, or how many times he had defeated Brooklyn or Tyson, but this girl next to him who was suffering on his accord who he had always put second in his priority list before, just because he thought that they had time, and neither of them were going anywhere.

It turned out he was wrong.

They were on borrowed time, even were now. And now that he had realized that, trying to make amends to her was what was most imperative, and it maybe would have not been even necessary if he had realized this from the start, he couldn't help feel responsible for everything.

If there was nothing left to be said or done, no remorse at all, unlike now when there relationship or whatever it was they had was nothing but a list of regrets, maybe his demise wouldn't have hit her so hard and she would have been able to get back on track with life.

He was going to fix all of this. He might have made mistakes while he was alive, but now being pulled away from all that he had, he had gotten time to put things into perspectives. He was going to get things right with Hiromi, so this time when he would leave – for good – Hiromi wouldn't isolate herself filled with regret, she would be contented with all they had while he was there with her, sad at him no longer being with her, but still happy for their being no regrets between them.

He would set her free and get her to move on. He owed her a life free of guilt and regret after all that he had put her through over the years.

"Don't worry," Kai whispered in a resolved voice, "I'm not going anywhere for now. We'll figure this out together."

Hiromi looked at him helplessly.

"I promise you." He placed a hand on her eyes, hinting for her to try and get some rest.

Hiromi closed her eyes instinctually. "You won't leave, will you?"

"I'll be right here next to you," he continued running his fingers in the strands of hair once more. He had expected his old coach to get better over the days he spent with her, but here she was clinging to him all the more and getting worse and worse day by day. He was at blame here too, he didn't want to leave just as much as she didn't want him to go.

Kai's action was making her drowsy, the continuous motion making her more and more dozy by the second. The toll of the previous night and the confrontations and hysteria of this morning in midst of the fever that only seemed to be raging was finally also beginning to take a toll on her. She was murmuring inaudibly now, pleading for Kai to not leave still trying to get a grasp on his free hand to have confirmation of his presence, forgetting that she could not touch him.

The warmth of his presence next to hers however, signified that he was indeed right there leaning against her frail frame. It gave her comfort and reassurance and she eventually drifted into a somewhat serene sleep under Kai's no-longer-absent watchful gaze.

It took two minutes for her to get completely doze off. Kai drew back his hands and leaning down placed his lips on her forehead. Somehow he knew that she would know. With that last gesture he got up from the bed and away from Hiromi who unconsciously tried to search for the familiarly comfortable warmth that had disappeared and slowly flickered away.

-xxx-

_Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome._

-xxx-

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**AN: Thank you to _Kitty Chandelle_ for reviewing the last chapter. We'll probably be moving onto humor from the next. :P Hope everyone enjoyed this. xD Please review. ^^**

**Second last day of summer. How did these almost-five months disappear. O.o It seems like yesterday that exams ended. **

**12:57 p.m. 1st September, 2012.**


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